The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightdress

So there I was, roysh — life focked, reputation focked, finances focked.

Everything completely focked, roysh, and we're talking big time.

And it's all Fionn's fault, basically. He's the four-eyed focker who told me that, like, the first time you do it, roysh, you're firing blanks. Like an unloaded Uzi.

Seriously impressive, hard as fock and totally ready for action, but the safety's, like, on, you know. Well, that was a pile of stinking turds for starters. And of course it's muggins here who ends up with the kid — life is SO focking unfair. On top of all that, roysh, the guys start to, like, totally lose it — JP has gone all Jesus on my arse, Oisinn is basically trying to fock over Interpol and Christian is talking about weddings and, I don't know, love and stuff. I mean, I am seriously beginning to feel like I am the only good-looking, loaded, sane guy in the whole of, like, Dublin.